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Literature Text
I stand up.
I have a cough.
I fall down.
I fall in love.
I feel so weak.
I can't even speak.
One day I got sick.
One day I fell apart.
I feel so heavy inside,
I clasp to the ground,
Have the sun inside.
Have the light in sight.
I have a headache.
I sneeze, I sniff.
What a heartache.
What a pain.
You come so close, you smile.
You're so beautiful
Between the flowers of moonrise,
Between the blessing sky.
Between the space and stars
And in between time.
You and me, Venus and Mars.
You and me, drug and disease.
Just look at me,
I'm so strong.
Finally I'm free,
Finally I'm healed.
I stand up,
I'm so healthy.
Yesterday we flew up.
Yesterday we had a love.
But you're fade away.
Quick-dissolving remedy,
Is there another way?
Is there anything else?
I wish to have a pain.
And have a cough.
To fall down again.
To fall before your feet.
I have a cough.
I fall down.
I fall in love.
I feel so weak.
I can't even speak.
One day I got sick.
One day I fell apart.
I feel so heavy inside,
I clasp to the ground,
Have the sun inside.
Have the light in sight.
I have a headache.
I sneeze, I sniff.
What a heartache.
What a pain.
You come so close, you smile.
You're so beautiful
Between the flowers of moonrise,
Between the blessing sky.
Between the space and stars
And in between time.
You and me, Venus and Mars.
You and me, drug and disease.
Just look at me,
I'm so strong.
Finally I'm free,
Finally I'm healed.
I stand up,
I'm so healthy.
Yesterday we flew up.
Yesterday we had a love.
But you're fade away.
Quick-dissolving remedy,
Is there another way?
Is there anything else?
I wish to have a pain.
And have a cough.
To fall down again.
To fall before your feet.
Another one poem about love.
In this poem I've tried to follow some rhythm but there're some problems (yeah, I know, in my poems there're always problems with it).
In second stanza, last line doesn't match.
In ninth stanza, I think 'Quick-dissolving remedy' is too long and it's breaking rhythm. Can't find better synonym.
In this poem I've tried to follow some rhythm but there're some problems (yeah, I know, in my poems there're always problems with it).
In second stanza, last line doesn't match.
In ninth stanza, I think 'Quick-dissolving remedy' is too long and it's breaking rhythm. Can't find better synonym.
Comments6
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I think the flow of this is done well. Sure, some lines don't fit the flow, but they do fit the poem and the subject. I think you should leave it be, it is very nice and a very nice concept.(: